The Unseen Within

I was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease.

This isn't fatal and it's tied in with the thyroid disorder I have struggled with since my Baccalaureate days. I spoke to a dear friend who suffers similarly and, because that friend had received diagnosis of their Hashimoto's before me, was able to recognize and point out my symptoms to me.

I don't think I have posted about my thyroid problems for some years on this blog. I constantly tweet about it but it has been a long time since I covered and blogged about it on Pretty in Print.

Such diseases and disorders that affect the thyroid, hormones, glandular, and chronic aches and pains are often cited as 'Invisible Illnesses'. Since being diagnosed with Grave's Disease back in 2002, I have become much more aware of my body, my lifelong allergies, and other conditions. I notice that I place such on my characters in my stories.

As my readers have been following this blog, I recently had a short story published. It is science fiction yet I'm acutely aware of what my alien character and his human mate are going through. Allergies take a strong position in the story. As well as female hormonal health, migraines, and understanding the difference in how many pain receptors the different sexes have.

I've been continuous with the story. There are scenes that recall the struggles of a being negatively and positively affected by this planet. Because he does not originate from here, there are precautions he has learned to take in order to survive. I don't see many scifi stories that tackle these issues about what our planet could do to off-world visitors that would not necessarily kill them but might still make them consistently suffer.

Invisible illnesses and diseases are just that. One hurts. One aches. Diet has to be changed. Certain physical activities altered. I'm wearing more compression footwear and wrist supports now. Even to bed. There are more and more foods I have to remove from my daily intake. I feel like an alien. I don't feel like I belong on this world but should have been born on another.

During my MFA program, I met a faculty member who has become a sort of unofficial mentor to several of us. Her name is Sandra Beasley and she wrote a book called Don't Kill the Birthday Girl which not only chronicles her life as someone who has numerous food allergies, but the book is also a medical guide. It's not just a funny memoir but an informative medical documentation.

I want people to understand that folks like myself want understanding and empathy. I let some at my workplace know about my diagnosis, and I was given the response that at least it isn't fatal.

That isn't the point.

There are things to change and alter but it can still bring much of a shock and fearfulness for the future. I know I won't die from this, but it still is a frightening disorder.

Lifestyle must change. Life goals must be changed. The person you thought you were has now been forever colored. What you *knew* about yourself was a lie and you weren't ever at fault. But the world wasn't made for you. And only those within these illnesses or are deeply connected may understand.

To purchase Don't Kill the Birthday Girl, click here.
To understand Hashimoto's Disease and other glandular/thyroidal issues may click here.

Books as keystones

Years ago, before I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism "Grave's Disease", I had to undergo a series of tests.

At the medical center that had the proper equipment to scan me for goiter, my nervous mother beside me in the waiting room, I currently read "See Jane Win", ground-breaking book by Dr. Sylvia Rimm.
In this brilliantly-written study over a course of 1,000 successful women, Dr. Rimm, who co-wrote the book with her two daughters, also 'Dr.s' in their own right, posed several scenarios that a young girl raised under such conditions becomes successful in life regardless of socio-economic, ethnicity, or even by family education status.

retrobookshop.com (c)

The more I read, the more I agreed with the cases of 1,000 women. From all walks of life, women who grew to prominence in their chosen path, or a career that became theirs, began as curious girls, often  thirsty for knowledge, versed in certain math- or science-related fields, had taken music lessons, had several interests, hobbies, etc.

Finally, I was called to the reception area, where sat a young woman who shared my ethnicity.
We greeted one another, and after I answered her questions related to my impending examination, she asked me what I was reading.
I explained, quite enthusiastically, what the book was about in a nutshell.
She looked at me and quite dismissively shrugged and said, "Well, I only read books written by Black people."

That stopped me cold. That made me upset. And then infuriated me.

Was she not a woman? Did she not care, as a woman, what MADE a successful woman, and what evidence there was to support the reasons these 1,000 Women became successful?

No, she must've believed that such subject matter or topic could only come from someone Non-Black, and therefore, refuse its wisdom or knowledge.

Now I love many of the Black writers of the past, I love my Black writers now, and I am a Black writer myself.

However, how could she say such a thing?

How could she, in her race-loyal ways, belittle the sum of human knowledge to only reading topics EXCLUSIVE to one race? And if she only reads Black writings, would that be only Black-American, Black-Caribbean, or Blacks from African nations or other overseas places?
And if this is the case, does she read writings from Black professionals, regular Joes, or only those that work in a medical office?

If she is Christian, then she cannot read the Bible, since many of its writers were not 'Nubian'. And she probably does not know that the famous movie about race and the all-consuming fight among Blacks of 'Light vs. Dark' "Imitation of Life", was actually written by Fannie Hurst, a young, Jewish woman?

We learn to be writers by having something to say. But first, we must read widely to have something in our head in order to write.

I hate to think of how little this medical office employee knows, or how limited and narrow is her experience.
Most frightening to think still: she's college educated, or, at least received certification in her field. How did she bypass this prejudiced view when digesting her own textbooks?

We owe it to ourselves as human beings to read widely, to take in as much of human wisdom as is available to us.

It's been seven years since this conversation and it still burns me. I only hope this young woman has grown a little from having such childish views.


*An earlier version of this essay is published on Miami Dade College's online magazine at Reflections Magazine titled Books as keystones